When I was a few years younger and the world was full of magic and possibilities I would wake up at 4-5 am on Christmas morning and try to contain my excitement until 6 am to wake my parents.
Id rush out the back door to see if Santa’s reindeer had eaten the carrots we left out for them, Id check the cookies and milk we would leave out on Christmas Eve, and id wonder to myself and my younger brothers as to what gifts we might have gotten this year.
Well unfortunately for me the world lost a little magic when I was told that Santa wasn’t real and it had just been our pet dog eating those carrots all those years. I was truly heart broken, for the first time in my life. In the years that followed that day Christmas came to be more of a day of stress then a day of pure joy and fun. I had to worry about what to get people, and sometimes i hit the mark, other times i fell short and in the same vein, sometimes you get what you wanted, other times you get socks.
Life lesson learned, Adulting sucks. But does it?
Today was the first year in quite a few that we had kids way younger then me hanging around. You see my Cousins have started having children and while that makes me feel really old (As at least one of them is younger than me) It was kind of nice to see their pure unadulterated joy at the day at hand.
I gained Two Nephews this year on my mums side and on my dads side, I got to met some Nieces in law or whatever they call the daughters of my cousins girlfriends. My Nephews, are too young to have much fun at Christmas, as this is their first and they were far more excited at the thought of Wrapping paper and naps then they were the toys that came in said paper.
But its those Nieces in whatever that really made my day today. you see they were maybe 2 and 4 years old. The youngest was still very interested in naps and wrapping paper, but we also got great joy from throwing our teddy bear around and then crying until we got it back. It was a great game.
The oldest however was Christmas embodied. Wearing a “Mrs Santa” dress that played holiday tunes and running around like crazy playing with anyone who didnt look big and scary like a certain blogger who is typing this (Even with my Christmas Tinsel in my ponytail!) Laughing, Dancing, Singing and not letting a little minor problem like “Not knowing the words” get in the way. And that got me thinking.
Maybe it’s past my time to be that joyful kid. I mean I am 25 years old, 26 in February. I’m no kid anymore. Id rather sleep in until 9 am on Christmas morning then be up before the sun. Id rather have a coffee first thing in the morning rather than Rip into the presents. Id rather spend time with those who really matter then seeing the extended family I hate just because its an extra prezzie.
Ive grown up. No longer will I dance and sing like no one is watching only to be embarrassed by stories of said events in my teenage years, No longer will I look to the stars on Christmas Eve out my window as soon as bed time rolls around and hope Saint Nick will be around as soon as i fall asleep.
But on the same flip of the token, I can now buy people presents they really want instead of my Masterpiece works of art (Read: crap) Or school projects (Metalwork in year 8 was wonderful, I had Xmas shopping done by like November) And Ive always loved giving gifts. It makes me feel great today when I give my mother “Captain America: Civil War, and Batman Vs Superman” for Christmas after she mentioned the night before as we were looking for something to watch on our Telstra TBox And she mentions that she wanted to see them. My poker face was on point last night let me tell you.
Its not my Joy im seeking anymore. I seek to put a smile on someone elses face. I don’t have kids of my own, Hell I dont even have a woman in my life, but Today i realized that someday, I want to be a dad someday.
I want to make Christmas a magical experience for a mini ssf or ssfette. I want them to grow up with amazing memories of Christmas like I have. I want to make my significant other the happiest person in the world, Every year and I want to make my future children love Christmas like I did, before all that growing up rubbish happened.
Its a long way off being possible, But today was an eye opening experience for me. I thought i might share it with the world. Its time to add that goal of being a Dad someday to my life plan, and work towards it.
So i guess maybe there is some magic left in Christmas day after all. I’m no longer the crowd member struck with awe, Now I’m the Magician, behind the scenes pulling the strings and you know what? I’m okay with that.
.SSF – December 25, 2016.